Dear Abbot,
I have met a wonderful woman and I’d like to get married. I love her and she loves me, and we’d like to build a life together. But I have a high-powered job that demands 80-hour weeks that I find very fulfilling running a food-distribution charity that feeds thousands of people each week. I don’t think I can do both. Should I give up my job and make a life with the woman of my dreams? Or should I continue doing the good work that I love to do?
Signed Torn Between Choices.
Dear Torn Between Choices.
Soul-mates are a very important part of life on earth. Talmud is the most significant collection of the Jewish oral tradition interpreting the Torah. Torah is the name given by the Jewish people to the first five books of the bible.(1) In the Talmud, Rav Yehuda taught that forty days before a male child is born, a voice from heaven announces whose daughter he is going to marry. The Jewish say that this is literally a match made in heaven. A perfect match is called a bashert, which means fate or destiny.(2) This word bashert can also be used when you find other things that are perfect, for example maybe a house or a perfect job. You said that you have met a wonderful woman that you would love to start a life with and if you believe this women is your bashert then I think you should marry her and stop working so much. Refraining from getting married is not considered holy, as it is in other religions. Refraining from marriage is considered un-natural because in the Talmud it says, “ an unmarried man is constantly thinking of sin.” It is not good for a man to be alone. Helping the charity that feeds thousands of people is a great thing, but if you have found your bashert marriage is the way to go.
Dear Torn Between Choices,
It is great to hear that you have met a wonderful woman and the two of you would like to get married. You seem to be seeking happiness, but do you know the difference between happiness and pleasure? Many people are un-aware of what happiness really means, they sometimes are able to find happiness for their present life, but not happiness forever. Unlike other religions Buddhism does not associate marriage with religious duties, which basically means that Buddhism is not considered holy or un-holy. The Buddha once said, “If a man can find a suitable and understanding wife and a woman can find a suitable and understanding husband, both are fortunate indeed.”(1) I also strongly advise you to make sure you are sharing the same kind of love. Not selfish love or lust, but love that will last an eternity through the thick and thin. Buddha has also said, “ men and woman cannot gain happiness this special from any other object. When observed, among all the things which provide pleasure, there is no other object that can please all the five senses at the same time besides the male and female figures.” Therefor if you two share the same kind of true love, then marriage is appropriate, if not then focus on your job which also makes you a very happy individual.
Dear Torn Between Choices,
Choosing between working to helping others survive or marrying to start a life with the one you love is a very hard decision to make. As you may already know, Hindu’s view marriage as a life-long commitment between one man and one women forever. Marriage is the only way for you to continue your family and pay your debt to your ancestors. (2) Was this woman chosen by your parents or elders and does she follow Hinduism? These are all very important factors for the Hindu. I also wonder, have your families met and do your families mesh together well. If you choose to marry each other you must also be prepared to: live a healthy life style for each other, be concerned for each others welfare, live as friends, eat and drink with each other
and be able to share special occasions together, desire children who you then must love and be responsible for, and adapt to the others traditions. If this is the life style you are both ready for then great. It doesn’t matter if you are helping hundreds of people or if you are simply being wonderful to a wife and children the good karma will stick with you.(1)
Works Cited Page
(1)Definition of Torah
(2)Quotes from Talmud
(1)Words of Buddha
(1)Karma
(2)Marriage commitments
Dear Abbot,
My friends and family are always on my case to get me to stop smoking. But I say it is my own body and I can do with it what I please. What do you think?
Signed Smokey
Dear Smokey,
I am glad you came to me about your problem. I would love to remind you of the dangers of smoking. You must consider not just your own body but everyone around you when you smoke as well. Rabbis say it is forbidden to smoke, now that we are all aware of the consequences and dangers.(1) Rabbis point to the biblical concerns like, “take heed to thyself and take care of thy life.” (2) You don’t want to destroy your own body, for your body is a temple and a bad habit can be broken. Smoking cigarettes is also prohibited by the Torah.(3) Also when you say it is your own body I feel you are confused. In the Torah it states, “ We do not own our bodies, God does.” It is stated so clear in these quotes from Torah that anyone that follows Judaism is not allowed to do anything to his or her body that is harmful to their own health. I strongly want you to consider what I have told you and make a final decision to smoke or to overcome your habit.
Dear Smokey,
Smokey thank you for coming to me today. We both know and understand that smoking cigarettes can be very calming and relaxing after a stressful situation. I want to remind you there are better ways to reach a calm place. For instance, you could practice meditation. Meditation is key for calming ones mind, and striving to one day reach enlightenment. Smoking cigarettes is a habit that you can overcome. Many buddhist use meditation to heal themselves, and bring their body and mind to a healthy place. It is not up to me to make you meditate or force you to change. This is your own decision and if you want to heal yourself you will have to do it on your own. To be reborn as a human is a honor, and I cannot stress enough how important it is to strive to be healthy. A quote from the Dalai Lama is, To keep the body in good health is a duty, otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear.” (1) Knowing this I hope I have helped you to answer your question and move forward in life.
Dear Smokey,
You are right it is your own body, but I feel you should treat your body good and be as healthy as can be. Us Hindu’s believe that all life on earth is sacred. We should all love and respect nature, animals, ourselves, and others. By smoking you are not just harming yourself, but you are harming everyone in your presence. Habits like smoking tobacco is considered sinful in Hinduism. Despite what your family thinks you must come to a conclusion on your own. I wish you the best of luck.
Works Cited Page
(1)Responsa Be’er Moshe, Part 6 #160:9; F. Rosner, Modern Medicine and Jewish Ethics, 1986, pp.363ff.
(2)Deuteronomy 4:9
- Prohibited by Torah
Quote from the Dalai Lama